#LimaBelas

Salam and Hi everyone!

So good to update the entry selang beberapa hari je. Kalau tak, makan berbulan jugak baru update. Good work wannur! Hahahahaha

Just some random post. Actually, harini sangaaaaaaaaaaat serabut. Why? Well, my online radio station is currently on a kampus tour and esok we will be leaving semenanjung to go Borneo country's. So, masalah dari segi transportation. Kita sangat jauh dari KL kan? Makanya, kena extra careful. Kalau tak, habis lah.

Okay. Lets get back to bussiness. Eventhough harini sangat serabut, but I feel so grateful sebab I can help my family today. Walaupun tak seberapa, tapi menitis juga airmata ku ini.

Kau kena faham. Aku buat dua keje currently. So, I have less time for myself. Mula mula rasa nak give up. Then something happend yang buat aku rasa "Oh. Aku patut berhenti belajar sekarang sebelum terlambat". But then, more good things happend yang buat aku "I should keep maintaning my result so that I can keep clean etc". So, as for now, aku belajar for my parents. I should repay them right?

Macam aku cakap sebelum ni, banyak sangat benda yang buat aku nak giveup dengan life ni. Aku boleh je duduk rumah, duduk dalam bilik, tido and bangun bila perlu je. I can do that tho. Sampai satu tahap, aku nak tido je. Aku tak nak jumpa sesiapa. AKu nak lari dari semua orang. But then, here I am. Keep living.

Once again, I'm not having any depression. (maybe not yet). I'm just having few conflicts with myself. Macam aku cakap, I feel everyone hates me. I pun benci diri sendiri. Tapi tu lah. I'm a semicolon situation right now. I can stop, but I choose to move on.

Okay. Dah stop merepek banyak sangat. Banyak lagi kerja yang panggil ni.

Till then!

#EmpatBelas

*fuhh fuhh* *uhukuhuk*

Ohh. Hi evelibodi! Long time no see kan? Hahahahahahahhahahahaa. Bukan tak nak update, tapi atas few reasons yang tak boleh dielakkan. And kalau boleh, aku nak elakkan alasan "busy" atau "susah nak update" or "Aint got no time". No no no. So, konklusinya, let just me know the reasons. I'm back peeps!

Still tak lambat nak say, Happy New Year! Im twentytwo olredi. sigh.

Actually, recently, Im having a very hard time. And, currently, I am recovering myself by doing lots of useless or not worthy thingy. Bukan depress ye. Im just having very hard time now.

How does it feel? It does feel so bad. Hilang self confidence sangat teruk tau? Aku rasa like everyone hates me, I annoy everyone a lot. I feel, semua orang tak sedar yang aku wujud, I feel that I can't do anything useful anymore, I feel like semua orang melarikan diri dari aku.

I does feel like you are trap in this one dark room then you dapat keluar dari bilik gelap tu tapi orang dekalat luar bilik tu doesnt even care if you hilang dalam bilik gelap tu. I do feel that way.

I got sick a lot whenever I feel bad. Im at my worst condition. Setiap malam, I suddenly cry a lot. Then I rasa sakit. Then after few hours, baru tido. Thats why I love my room so much.

I don't know why am I behaving like this. Sebab aku bukan macam ni. Mungkin sebab aku banyak berfikir? Or maybe because the problems that I am facing, kan? I really need to be good.

Ada yang fikir, "kenapa tak cerita dekat orang lain?" "Kenapa tak cerita dekat parents?"

Look, I have some issues yang buat aku tak cerita apa pun dekat orang lain including my parents on what I am facing or having right now. Sebab bagi aku, ni masalah aku, diri aku, I can settled it by my own.

One thing I am thankful, I am so good on "endure". And I do better time by time.

I'm trying to start writting balik now. You know that writting has been with me since I was 12:) So, yeah. I think I can do this. 

So, I'll  to update often. I promise to try.

Wish me to keep living..

Till then!